So, dependence is a key issue, dependent on others, dependent on self and dependent on God. Does the last grow out of the other two - or is it there unrecognised at the beginning? This is both a philosophical and a theological question, but I don't know that this matters - God imbues all that we do (or do not do).
But there is a sense in which there is a "trinity" - with a small "t" of self, others and God. I often say some need to learn
to love our neighbours AS OURSELF . But we live in an age where others are "self-obsessed" - we are encouraged to become more "self-aware".
A healthy balance the three, self , others and God seems to be a way forward - a dependence on each as we carry our heavy rucksacks onwards. And also finding the time to share our burdens and enjoy God's creation and the silence of the moment.
Doherty ends her first chapter with these words:
"Let us walk softly and consult wise [people] about our desire for solitude; it may be a grave temptation (p28).
We need some people around us and to hear wisdom in others along the way: sometimes in the mouths of "fools". She gives a very moving picture of a poustiniak friend of her father's who becomes a "fool" literally for Christ, after giving away all his many riches - he is atoning for people calling "God a fool" in the past.
At a similiar time to re-reading that I had someone greeting me across the market-place - "Hey, Crocodile Dundee" - I ignored him - but he then asked me where my crocodile was. Clearly not in my rucksack.
Perhaps a better example of a contact I didn't follow through was of a barmaid in the Wetherspoons - she asked if I was going "on a hike"; I said "to Lincoln and beyond", She said, "Good luck".
Like many others, I find it difficult to talk about my Christian journey - yet often people outside the church "get it". They see the need for a deeper spiritual journey. They may even see the need for a Bible to be carried.
I usually have one or two spiritual books as well as the Bible and the lectionary - a true "poustinik" has only the Bible, but according to Doherty, sometimes will read only a page a day, sometimes just a couple of sentences. What matters is the way it is read: pondered and treasured in the heart.
She calls upon the example of Mary the mother of Jesus, and her response to him as he grew up (and her response to the annunciation). Obedience, yes, but pondering too. We need to carry scripure in our hearts - like Mary - and not just in our heads.
My attempt to digest a psalm each day is an attempt to do this, I think - sometimes it leads to a poem - a re-writing of it - or a canticle. Sometimes just a short reflection, or a word - sometimes nothing I can write. Yet, if they dwell deeper within me as a result, I have grown with and in God, I feel.
But why do I read the Bible? That's a difficult question to answer. It's the best book in the world to read - to quote the Sunday School song. Is that why I read it?
Yes, but also.. what ?
To grow in God and God's word - to enable the spirit to talk to either the Father or the Son.
And also ... to relate it (the Word) to life - maybe to atone for a God-less, Bible-less society may be to make the world a better place, but above all to grow in God.
Maybe we will try to do it (read it and digest it).
I have also been reading a (liberal) book on the interpretation and use of scripture, another on Christian feminism -we have to be careful how we relate the word in our modern world. - yet we need to speak it out fearlessly - the horns of another dilemma.
So the original "Poustinik" would have a Bible, enough food, for one day only and no spare clothes. He (or she) would also grow their own veg, fish and cut wood in a remote bit of woodland. Villagers would be glad to have them - the poustinik would give to them.
"It is of giving of ourselves that we receive".
Often they would have a listening ear and a welcoming face, despite days of fasting and penance.
I feel here is a sign post for us - later in the book Doherty describes how she tried to apply being a Poustinik in North America/ Canada with the permission of her Bishop - but I mean the application more generally.
As often I speak for myself, to myself, of the need to give away many possessions, to travel lightly (remember my tombstone) - to be hospitable, to listen, and
to be ready to enter God's presence.
For a Poustinik they could be days of prostration or fasting; perhaps we need to find a modern equivalent.
Doherty says:
The poustinik learns to know God
Not learn about him, but learn of God himself, through God himself (p43).
For in the tremendous silence, God reveals Godself to those who wait ... and don't try to "tear at the heart of a mystery" (ibid)
When Mary was greeted by Gabriel she didn't understand the greeting - or the result - she simply said "yes" - let it be done - according to God's word, as says another.
May we also say "fiat" - in the silence of our hearts.
Amen.
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